Bad Manners: The Official Cookbook

Bad Manners: The Official Cookbook

What the F*ck is This?


This is a f*cking wake-up call. This is for that section of the grocery store that you avoid. This is for drive-thru lines so long that they block traffic. This is for ketchup and pizza qualifying as f*cking vegetables. This is for everyone who wants to do better but gets lost in the bullshit.

Welcome to Bad Manners. We’re here to help. We started our website to inspire motherf*ckers to eat some goddamn vegetables and adopt a healthier lifestyle. Our motto is simple:

Eat Like You Give a F*ck

And why not? You eat three times a day. That seems like an adequate amount of f*cks to give on a daily basis. But why does the transition from the drivethru to homemade meals seem so f*cking impossible? Maybe it’s because the people who tell you how to cook healthy food come off as so f*cking phony. There is an aura of elitism surrounding eating well, and so many people tend to associate health with wealth. As we learned how to cook for ourselves, we couldn’t identify with these beautiful bloggers in their big-ass kitchens waxing poetic about fennel pollen as they stirred up their chanterellestudded sauces.

F*ck All That we live in the real world. 

We don’t need theories to explain why people choose convenience foods over home-cooked meals; we’ve been there. We grew up like most people: Dinners never took more than 10 minutes to heat up and everything was centered around meat and slathered in cheese. We accepted the idea of eating shit because we legitimately thought it was how food was supposed to be. With our parents busy at work and our attention focused on Ninja Turtles, we didn’t f*cking bother to learn how to cook for ourselves. This was a time when companies were coloring ketchup purple and teal for whateverthef*ck marketing campaign they were running. Potato chips had a goddamn disclaimer on the bag about how the oil might cause anal leakage. What the f*ck, right? Those were some dark days in food. We didn’t think we had enough time or money to learn how to cook real food for ourselves, so we willingly ate that f*cking nonsense. So, no, we didn’t grow up in wheatgrasscovered huts on some hippie commune. We are your next-door neighbors and somewhere along the way, we learned to eat right. And you can too. Virtue untested is no virtue at all or some shit like that, right?

You might already be cooking up a storm, but vegetables keep getting left out of a lot of dinners. Veggies got a bad rap they are still trying to shake. We get it. While basic motherf*ckers were starting to discover microgreens and nettles, we were still out in the land of frozen peas and iceberg lettuce. None of us really knew how to cook a vegetable so that it didn’t taste like a soggy gym sock, so we just thought all veggies were bunk. Look: Cooking vegetables takes a minute and a little finesse, but it’s not f*cking rocket science. It’s easier to sauté kale with some garlic than it is to eat pizza bites without burning the f*ck out of your tongue. We just hadn’t tried.

As we learned how to do all that grown-up bullshit like drive a car, pay taxes, and own a vacuum, we got to wondering why we were avoiding the kitchen and real meals. Sure, we would have to work at it and probably burn some shit and f*ck up a whole dinner, but we deserved better than a pathetic Hot Pocket. Slowly but surely we started schooling ourselves on how to shop on a budget and cook simple, healthy meals. Once we got out on our own and couldn’t afford cable to distract us, we really got our shit together. Our friends were impressed by even the simplest meals we made for them and all we could think was: Why doesn’t everyone know how to do this? It’s not that f*cking hard. After plenty of practice, we are here to show you the way and save y’all some time.

We don't understand why eating real, healthy food has to be such a big f*cking deal.

These days, trying to do right by your body and palate comes with a f*ckton of baggage, but it shouldn’t have to. Nobody should apologize for trying to take care of themselves or have to struggle just to get better food for their families. You don’t have to be some uptown asshole to pay attention to what you eat. We’ve got to start taking better care of ourselves because nobody else is going to give a damn. We decided to speak up and let people know that nobody has a monopoly on the right way to eat. Consider this book our invitation to you to elevate your nutrition and kitchen game. No matter who you are or where you are from, you are welcome at our table and to this conversation about diet.

Now pull up a f*cking seat.