Excerpt
Love Life Sober
Day One
Starting with Grace I sought the Lord, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame.—Psalm 34:4–5
Welcome to your forty-day alcohol fast! Every morning that I’ve sat down to write this book, I’ve prayed God would use my story and the lessons I’ve learned to encourage you. The goal of this book is to help you decide how big of a role you want alcohol to play in your life. Maybe you know it’s time to give up for good because you already know alcohol is taking more than it’s giving. Or perhaps you only drink a few times a week, but you’ve realized your sleep and energy levels are suffering and you need a reset. Whatever your reason, you’ve picked up this book because a part of you knows it’s time to take a break from booze.
First, I want to celebrate this moment with you. You’ve taken the very first step of becoming aware. Your eyes are open. You’re aware that alcohol may not be serving you anymore, and that awareness has led you to take a big action step: opening this book. You’re on your way to better physical, mental, and spiritual health, stronger relationships, and so much more. This is a big move, and I’m so proud of you.
Let’s start with a few fundamental principles to prepare us for the journey ahead.
Shut the Trapdoor During the next forty days, commit to not drinking alcohol. Here is a visual that I love to use with my clients. Imagine you have a little trapdoor in the back of your brain, an escape hatch of sorts. If that little door is open, you will choose alcohol because it’s the easy-button answer that you are used to. But if you shut that trapdoor, you’ve taken alcohol off the table for the next forty days. You are making the conscious choice not to drink. This might be a good time to get the alcohol out of the house if you feel like it may be too tempting to have it so accessible.
Growth Points Try to stick with the fast for forty consecutive days so that you can start feeling better. (That’s why we’re here, to get you to feel your best.) However, if you do have a drink at any time during the forty-day fast, don’t think of it as a slipup or failure. Think of it as a growth point. You are here to learn and grow.
If these growth points happen, don’t stop or reset your fast. Instead, take out your journal and consider the following questions:
• Why did you decide to drink? (Was it a particularly stressful morning? Did something happen at work that overwhelmed you? Was your teenager extra spicy with you?)
• How did you feel in the hours immediately after drinking? How did you feel the next morning?
• What can you learn from this?
Even though growth points can make you feel like you’ve failed, they are a hugely important part of this journey. Don’t fall into the shame trap; instead, get curious and figure out what exactly happened so that you can make a different decision the next time. Think of a little toddler learning to walk. If he falls, do we shout at him and say, “You’re a failure! You must have a serious problem; you can’t even walk!” No, of course not! We pick him up and say, “You’re doing a great job, little guy. Try again.” He’s learning. Growing. Trying something new and becoming aware of what works and what doesn’t. And so are you. This is about grace, compassion, and curiosity.
Make the Time Set aside time every single day to complete your daily reading. Piggyback it onto your quiet time or morning routine. Or if you need something to fill the five o’clock wine witching hour, read it then. You will have new information to think about and helpful questions to ask yourself. I recommend revisiting the Bible verses we reference throughout the book and journaling your thoughts and emotions as you read along. The more you put into the next forty days, the more you will get out of it.
An Experimental Mindset You may have done a Dry January or a Sober October before, mustering all your willpower to stay away from alcohol for a month. I did those too. However, when I completed the month, I drank just as much, if not more, afterward. This fast is different. In addition to not drinking, we are going to take the next forty days to learn:
• How alcohol is affecting your life
• Why you sometimes fall into addictive patterns
• Whether or not the assumed benefits of alcohol are even true
If you decide to go back to drinking at the end of these forty days, that is 100 percent your choice. You get to decide what kind of role alcohol has in your life. Alcohol will always be around; it’s not going anywhere. Most of us know well what it feels like to drink regularly or often. Now’s the time to figure out what not drinking feels like. This is an experimental reset.
Take one day at a time. You don’t have to have the mindset of “I’m never drinking again” right now. And I really don’t want you to stress about any parties, vacations, or events in the future, even if they take place in these forty days. Just focus on today. You don’t know now how you will feel the day of that event or party; you can cross that bridge when you get to it. As I always say to my clients, there is no point in future-tripping before you even arrive at that date. More importantly, Jesus said in Matthew 6:34, “Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.”
While writing this book, I’m doing a different kind of experiment: a gluten experiment. A few years ago, I learned I have a gluten intolerance. I thought this was horrible news at the time. How could I go the rest of my life without eating bread, pastries, pasta, and all the delicious desserts with gluten in them? But I know I don’t feel good when I eat gluten, so I decided to go on an experimental reset and try a gluten-free diet. I feel so much better: I no longer get sharp stomach pains, and my digestion has greatly improved.
The key to successfully testing out what my body needs was to approach it from an experimental mindset. I haven’t once said, “I’m never eating pasta again.” If I wind up in Paris and choose to eat the buttery croissant, I will. But now I am armed with that knowledge of how gluten makes me feel.
I want you to approach this fast like that. You don’t have to say forever. Just get curious and be open to learning.
One Thing at a Time Please don’t try to start a diet, completely cut out sugar, or begin a strict exercise routine during the next forty days. Please don’t start an intermittent fasting regimen. In fact, you’ll want to eat regular meals packed with protein to curb cravings, so please don’t try to restrict food right now. We will talk about incorporating joyful movement and handling sugar cravings, but this is not the time to make multiple wellness goals. I have coached so many women who want to simultaneously quit alcohol, lose fifteen pounds, and start working out five times a day. It’s too overwhelming, so they burn out quickly. Researchers have found that people who set too many goals for themselves fail at all of them. Baby steps, babe, just like that little toddler.
Document Your Transformation Today is the first day of your fast. I love a good transformation, and I’m sure you do too. After forty days of not drinking, I witnessed a remarkable change in the appearance of my face. The puffiness diminished and the persistent redness faded to the point where I found myself wearing far less makeup than before because my face was so clear. You, also, will be amazed at the difference in the way you look and feel. I want you to have photographic proof and written evidence of how far you’ve come. I’ve seen incredible transformations in just forty days with my clients. Their eyes are clear, and they have more clarity of mind and inner peace. The same and much more is possible for you, my beautiful friend. So snap a selfie right now to document your growth. Take notes, either in the margins of this book or in a separate journal, on each win you experience along this journey. Trust me, you will want to look back at how far you’ve come.
Use the special celebration tracker I created for you to mark important alcohol-free milestones like your first alcohol-free date, first alcohol-free book club, first alcohol-free wedding, and so many more. Every little step is progress. Head to lovelifesober40dayfast.com to download your copy of the tracker.
