Excerpt
When Faith Disappoints
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Permission to WrestleBelievers should acknowledge and wrestle with doubts—not only their own but their friends’ and neighbors’. —Tim Keller, The Reason for God
When I was in seminary, I had a faith crisis. I heard a tragic story about terrorists murdering children in the Middle East. My heart was heavy. I don’t struggle as much with why God allows evil to happen to adults, but when children are targeted, I feel differently. They tug at my heartstrings.
I was deeply grieved and began to question God: Why do You protect some and not others? How can I trust You?
My mind was spinning, and these thoughts lingered for weeks. I even found it challenging to read my Bible and pray.
Finally, I went to the office of my favorite professor, Dr. Leo Percer, who taught on the New Testament. I appreciated his humility and kindness, so it was a no-brainer that I should seek his guidance.
I explained how I couldn’t understand a God who would allow such evil to happen to innocent children. I knew all the arguments for the problem of evil. I could understand that we have free will and that it creates the reality of evil. I could also reason that God uses evil for greater purposes that are sometimes beyond our human understanding. But these logical explanations still left me emotionally unsatisfied. If I couldn’t find an answer for why God allowed children to be murdered, then could I continue following Him? Could I keep my faith and trust Him? I paused, holding my breath while I awaited Dr. Percer’s response.
He said, “I struggle with that too.”
I exhaled. I had expected some deep philosophical or theological answer, but he gave me a very human response. He simply said, “Me too.” I thought I was on the verge of losing my faith, but here was a respected professor—with years of knowledge and expertise—who wrestled too. Dr. Percer didn’t say anything profound; he was honest about his struggle with God. He normalized my frustration.
Dr. Percer acknowledged that it is okay to question God when things happen that I don’t understand. After all, my doubts aren’t a reflection of my faith in Him. If I could understand everything about God, then I wouldn’t need faith. I still question God, and there are still things in the Bible that give me pause and times when I don’t understand His ways. The only difference now is that I’m not afraid to ask the hard questions.
Have you ever questioned God? Did you worry that your faith would disappear because you wrestled with His will and His Word? I have good news for you: Wrestling isn’t the death of your faith. On the contrary, wrestling is the key to growing in your faith.
One of my favorite Old Testament scholars, Dr. Jo Vitale, once told me that the way we get to know anyone is through questions and, if that’s the case, why would our relationship with God be any different? The first thing we do when we meet someone new is ask them questions. The questions are not to disrespect the person but to get to know them. Similarly, we learn about God by questioning Him. The Bible is full of kings, prophets, and even our Savior wrestling with God.
In frustration, King David asked God,
How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
The prophet Jeremiah also had some questions for God:
Lord, you always give me justice
when I bring a case before you.
So let me bring you this complaint:
Why are the wicked so prosperous?
Why are evil people so happy?
On the cross, even Jesus questioned God: “Jesus called out with a loud voice, ‘Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?’ which means ‘My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?’ ”
You don’t have to fear offending Him by verbalizing your questions. He knows your heart and questions, even if you don’t voice them. He is your creator. You don’t have to be scared. You don’t need to run when it gets complicated; you can lean into the questions. God will meet you there.
Emotions and Answers
In 2014, I founded an apologetics organization called Jude 3 Project that focused on equipping and engaging the Black community. One of my favorite Jude 3 Project events is called Problematic Passages. It’s a two-hour Q and A where the audience gets to question Bible scholars about the verses that trouble them. In addition to this, we had Dr. Esau McCaulley lecture on problematic passages, and he addressed genocide in the Bible. He handled this brilliantly but made a crucial caveat that there is no answer to the question that will be emotionally satisfying. By that, he meant that no answer would make us feel good. And when we get an answer that doesn’t make us feel good, we sometimes seek other answers.
As a teenager, I loved football video games. I’d play my favorite, Madden NFL, all day. I don’t want to brag, but I got pretty good. For me, the highlight of the game was when I scored. As soon as I crossed the goal line, I knew I was closer to winning the game. The goal line is crucial—without it, football would just be people running around endlessly, with no way to determine a winner or the purpose of the game. Likewise, when we ask questions with no goal in sight, we’ll never get a satisfactory answer.
I heard one apologist say that before he answers a question about faith, he asks, “If I answer this question to your satisfaction, will you accept Christ?” Why does he do that? He is trying to locate the goal line. He doesn’t want to have a purposeless argument about faith; he wants the conversation to head in a particular direction.
Similarly, God doesn’t want to argue aimlessly with you. He wants your questions to move you in a specific direction: toward deeper faith and trust in Him. God has a goal line for your questions. What kind of response are you hoping for? What would be a satisfactory answer for you? If you don’t know where the goal line is, you’ll roam with endless questions that lead nowhere.
MTV has a popular show called Catfish, which exposes internet impostors who create fake profiles to deceive people. A person who has formed an online relationship with an impostor wants to believe that the person behind the computer screen is who they claim to be. They’ve usually been in constant contact with the impostor, receiving consistent, emotionally satisfying stories and answers.
In many cases on the show, when the host presents evidence to the victim that they may have been catfished, the victim denies it. They’ve been so emotionally satisfied by the lie that they reject the logic of the truth. When they finally accept the facts, they are devastated and hurt. The truth doesn’t make them happy; it actually makes them sad. But while the truth isn’t emotionally satisfying, it does liberate them from the lies and manipulation.
There can be logical answers to your questions about what God allows and why some people seem protected from things while others don’t. The logic won’t always soothe your heart; however, an answer doesn’t need to be emotionally gratifying to be true. You may still feel pain and confusion, but the truth will always liberate you.
As we dive into the various ways we wrestle with God—our pain points—and how they influence our view of Him and our faith, remember that our goal line doesn’t equate to answers that are emotionally satisfying. The pain and suffering we experience sometimes short-circuit our ability to reason well. Keeping in mind the complexities of how we feel about the truth and the traumas we experience will help us set up a framework as we wrestle with God. Because our goal line is truth and liberation in the gap between what we believe and what we experience.
